Sasuke Lovers Anonymous
by The Carpet Shampoo
Summary: Haruno Sakura - president. Yamanaka Ino - vice president. Together, four girls relive their tale of how their object of admiration, the great Sasuke, fell for another who wasn't who they expected. SasuNaru
1. Prologue: The Final Meeting

"Sasuke Lovers Anonymous" 

by the Carpet Shampoo

Disclaimer: Naruto 1z 0wn3d0rz 8y 50m30n3 /\/\u(h 5m4r73r 7h4n m3. (347 7h47 n0085!!!!!!!)

Author's Commentary: Yes I am still going to keep working on The Courting and Monster. I just need to write this before I lose the idea. Ph34r m`/ 1d34. (I am so annoying...)

Prologue: The Final Meeting

            "This is Haruno Sakura; testing one-two…Ino-pig, hold that camera straight! This is very important! I repeat this is Haruno Sakura, president of Sasuke Lovers Anonymous, reporting that this is our last ever meeting…SLA is no more as of today…For today is the day of a great tragedy has occurred in the town of Konoha. Witnessed by Hyuuga Hinata, SLA's very own treasurer, this tragedy…this monstrosity…I'm sorry, I just can't speak. Tenten, take over please…"

            "This is Tenten…secretary of Sasuke Lovers Anonymous. I was the third to join this wonderful team dedicated to the one and only Sasuke, and I am proud to say I was a member. Ino dear, that camera looks really crooked…try turning it a little to the left….No, now its worse. Never mind, as Sakura-chan already stated, a great tragedy has struck the SLA members today…Today, Hinata, the newest member of SLA, was casually walking the streets of Konoha…I'm getting there Ino, hold your horses. When all of the sudden, she experienced a SSS! That's a sudden Sasuke sighting, for the record."

            "You're taking way too long! This is Yamanaka Ino; here with the real story…I gave the camera to Hinata, you big forehead-ed dimwit! How would I be able to hold the camera and be on at the same time!? Ahem. As I said, this is Yamanaka Ino, vice-president of the one and only Sasuke Lovers Anonymous! As the other two have attempted to say, today when strolling the streets of Konoha, Hyuuga Hinata had a sudden Sasuke sighting! Needless to say, she should have contacted the other members right away and – "

            "Move over Ino-pig! I was telling the story first!" 

            "Make me Sakura-big forehead!"

            "Guys, stop fighting! I was telling the story too! Hey – guys!"

            "Um…hello. This is Hyuuga Hinata. I'm the treasurer of Sasuke Lovers Anonymous…I don't really love Sasuke, but I joined anyway. Because Sakura-chan and Ino-chan said that everyone loves Sasuke…And they needed a treasurer…But I'm mourning the loss of this tragedy of Konoha too…Because um…well…Naruto was kind of involved too…and you see…Naruto-kun is…"

            "Hey Hinata, no one cares about Naruto! Move over, we're talking about Sasuke! This is Tenten again, reporting on this tragedy for our closing meeting. As I said, Hinata had just had a total SSS, but who should ruin her lovely sight, but that jerk Naruto! He comes out of no where and completely starts talking to Sasuke as if they're friends or something!" 

            "As if!"

            "He wishes…"

            "Guys…that's mean…"

            "Ahem, as I was saying, Naruto and Sasuke we're just standing around talking, when all of the sudden, Naruto starts walking away. I'm sure Hinata was thinking this was good, because that blond haired loser was probably totally blocking her view of Sasuke!"

            "You take way too long Tenten! I'm the president, I'll finish the story. Hmph…For some reason, Sasuke actually began following that blond little jerk! Rule number 7 of the SLA states that anywhere Sasuke goes, a club member should be following! As Hinata was the only club member around, she followed…Shut it Ino, the camera does not make my forehead look bigger! As I was saying, Hinata followed Sasuke and the jerk, right into the forest. Hinata, would you like to give a full report, for the record, of what you saw?"

            "All right…I stood back and used my Byakugan in order to see what was going on. And well…at first it looked like Naruto and Sasuke we're just fighting…I mean, Sasuke slammed Naruto up against a tree, and then Naruto tackled Sasuke to the ground…"

            "And then they totally started making out!"

            "Tenten! Hinata was telling the story…"

            "Sorry Sakura…"

            "But its true! One minute they were fighting, the next they were…you know…"

            "Sasuke-kun! How could you?!"

            "Be quiet Ino-pig!"

            "President Sakura, what are we going to do…?"

            "Tenten…as your final act as secretary, will you fetch all the old tapes and notes? We need to discover when and where this happened. It shall be our final tribute to Sasuke."

            "To Sasuke!"

            "To Sasuke!"

            "To N- I mean, to Sasuke!" 

Author's Commentary: No, not everything wil be in this format. The writing style will be a bit strange and this prologue is pretty short, but I will be back! With more ficcage! Ph34r my ficcage! And sorry…I'll stop speaking l337 too…


	2. Chapter 1: Kidnapping Naruto

"Sasuke Lovers Anonymous"

by the Carpet Shampoo

Disclaimer: No, I don't own Naruto. But really…at what point did you think I did? 

Author's Commentary: Um…I actually don't have anything to say. Enjoy the fic. 

Chapter 1

            _Hiya! This is Tenten, reporting live for the first ever meeting of Sasuke Lovers Anonymous! Today, rumor has it the beautiful Sasuke is going to be training in the forest! Naturally, SLA is going to watch. What if Sasuke got hurt while training? We could save his life! Or better yet, what if he took off his shirt because it was just so hot? Anyway, we're still in need of a treasurer…We've been talking about asking Hyuuga Hinata to join. I'm not sure…for some reason; Hinata doesn't seem all that thrilled when she's around Sasuke. She's kind of a weird girl if you ask me…_

"And do you, Hyuuga Hinata, swear to love Sasuke above any other boy – as he is the most handsome and smart and sexy…" Sakura's voice trailed off as her green eyes grew hazy and she stared off into space and sighed dreamily. Tenten and Ino followed behind. Hinata blinked her innocent pale eyes and looked at them. It wasn't that she really liked Sasuke all that much…he was pretty scary in her opinion. But she did so want to hang out with the other girls and be their friend! 

            "Um…Sakura-chan?" Hinata waved her hand in front of the pink haired girl's face. Sakura blinked and suddenly snapped back into attention. The other girls jumped up as well. 

            "Um…right then! So, Hinata, do you swear to love Sasuke and all that stuff?" 

            "Um…sure…I guess so I mean…" Hinata said, her delicate voice barely above a whisper.

            "All right then!" Sakura chirped cheerfully. "Girls of SLA, I present to you, our newest member...Hyuuga Hinata!" Tenten and Ino clapped enthusiastically, each one of them secretly resenting their newest competition for Sasuke. 

            "Secretary Tenten, the rules please?" Sakura stated importantly. Tenten nodded then pulled out a scroll. 

            Hinata twisted her hand nervously. There were rules for following around Sasuke all day? What if she broke on? 

            "Ahem! Rule Number 1: No girl may ever stalk…er, I mean, gaze lovingly upon Sasuke alone. Two other girls must be with her-"

            "Oh…Change that to three Tenten." Sakura interrupted. 

            "Oh, ok. Unless three other girls are with her. Rule Number 2: No other boys come before Sasuke." 

            Hinata thought this over…Well, she supposed she could always pretend to like Sasuke more…

            "Rule Number 3…and the most important rule of all…"

            "No being nice to Naruto!" All the girls exclaimed at the exact same time. 

            "But why not?" Hinata asked before she could stop herself. Suddenly realizing her mistake she squeaked and covered her mouth with trembling hands. Everyone stared at her blankly for a moment, before finally, Ino spoke:

            "But…why would you _want_ to be nice to Naruto?"  

            "Well um…Naruto…he…" Hinata could feel her face turning pink, "He could um…tell us about Sasuke!"

            "Tell us about Sasuke…?" Tenten asked, looking intrigued. 

            "Um…yeah!" Hinata nodded, "Who spends more time with Sasuke then Naruto? If Sasuke were to ever say stuff about what he liked in girls, Naruto seems like the person he would tell. Guys always tell guys stuff like that!" The truth was, Hinata knew absolutely nothing about boys and guys, but neither did the other girls, so they all seemed to be buying her story. 

            "So you're saying…we should kidnap Naruto and torture him for info!" 

            "Wait…what?" 

            "All right…we need a plan!" Sakura and the other girls jumped into a huddle. Hinata watched them for a moment, then jumped in as well. 

            "All right…" Sakura said in a low whisper, "Hinata, Tenten, and Ino, this plan involves you three. Hinata, you need to use your Byakugan to locate Naruto. Once you've spotted him, alert Tenten to his location. Tenten, you tell Ino. Tenten will act as the distraction – whatever it takes, distract Naruto long enough for Ino to take over his mind. Then go retrieve Ino's body and bring it back here.'

'Ino, in Naruto's mind, you'll lead him back here. Remember! Act like Naruto, Ino. We don't want anyone being suspicious. When Ino/Naruto gets back here, I'll tie Naruto's body up, then Ino will give Naruto back his mind, and we will interrogate him! Ready girls? Go!" Hinata looked confused for a moment as each girl ran off, but she quickly followed. 

Outside, Tenten and Ino boosted Hinata onto part of a roof so she could see better. She looked around half-heartedly, hoping not to see Naruto anywhere, but unfortunately, saw him wandering around the ramen bar, looking for potential suckers to buy him ramen.

"Ino, Tenten…He's at the noodle bar." 

"Well…I suppose we could have guessed that…" Tenten said, glancing over at Ino. The two girls shrugged than ran off to the noodle bar. Hinata watched from where she was, her Byakugan still activated for the best view. 

Tenten trotted up to Naruto, who in turn, gave Tenten his famous 'Buy-me-Ramen' smile. 

"Hey Naruto, what's up?" Tenten grinned, already wondering what was taking Ino so incredibly long. 

"Not much…" Naruto replied, leaning back. 

_Great…I have to hold him still…_Ino always required her people perfectly still to capture them in her jutsu. 

"So…Naruto-kun…" Tenten walked over to him, linking his arm in her's. "No one buying you ramen today…?" Naruto sighed and looked down, not even seeming to notice Tenten's flirting techniques. 

"No…I can't find Iruka-sensei anywhere…" Suddenly, a weird look crossed Naruto's face and he looked down at Tenten. 

"Get off my arm Tenten, and go find my body!" Tenten quickly let go of Ino/Naruto and ran off to where Ino had been hidden. 

Ino/Naruto sighed and shook her head, heading back to where Sakura was hidden. 

SMACK!

Not even paying attention, Ino had completely walked right into someone. "Move!" She yelled angrily, shoving the person out of her way. Or…at least she tried to push the person out of the way. It was more like she pushed…and stumbled a few steps back. She looked up to see Sasuke standing there, glancing down with a look of amusement on his face. 

"Was that a push _dobe_?" Ino felt furious. How dare Sasuke call her names? She was about to give him a piece of her mind when, suddenly, she remembered she was Naruto. 

"Sorry Sasuke-kun…I didn't know it was you." Sasuke blinked and looked down at Naruto. Was Naruto actually blushing? And since when did Naruto refer to him Sasuke-kun? 

"So um…Sasuke-kun…" Ino purred softly, "How are you…?" 

Sasuke blinked and stared down at the purring Naruto, oblivious to the fact it was actually Ino. 

"I'm good…" 

"Sasuke-kun…now that we're alone, I'd like to ask you something…" Ino stepped forward, and rested one hand delicately against Sasuke's arm. 

"Uh…what?" Sasuke stepped back a little, a light pink dust spreading across his cheeks as he gazed down at Naruto's arm. 

"Will you go out with me sometime?" 

"What…? Um…sure Naruto…?" Ino jumped up with a squeak and threw her arms around Sasuke.

"_Wait a sec…Naruto? Oh shoot that's right! I'm in Naruto's body! I need to act like Naruto!" _Ino thought suddenly. 

She quickly shoved Sasuke away. 

"Hey…don't touch me! You…uh…stupid head! No one can touch me unless they buy me ramen first!"  

"Naruto, what are you talking about…you want me to buy you ramen?" 

"I gotta go um…flirt with Sakura cause I'm in love with her even though she's way too good for a loser like me. Bye Sasuke-kun!" And with that, Ino/Naruto ran off back to Sakura.

Sasuke stood there and blinked. "What the hell?" 

Ino barely got back as her chakra couldn't hold much longer, and just as Naruto was getting his body back, Sakura was tying the very last knot that held him to the chair. 

"Where am I…? Sakura-chan? Ino? Hinata-chan?" 

Hinata smiled softly and turned pink. He had called her Hinata-chan…

Meanwhile, Tenten pulled out a huge flashlight and shined it in Naruto's eyes, causing him to squint and recoil back.

"Gah, Tenten that's bright."

"I don't care! Spill it Uzumaki! Tell us everything you know about Sasuke!"  Naruto blinked and looked around confused.

"Wait…what's this about…?" 

Author's Commentary: Ooh, this took me so long! I need to get started on writing the next chapter of The Courting too. And I need to work on finish up the ending chapters of Monster. (which I just got re-inspired for, very exciting to me.) Um…Not really much to say…Please review and stuff?   
            


	3. Chapter 2: Sasuke Sighting

"Sasuke Lovers Anonymous"

By the Carpet Shampoo

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Do you?

Author's Commentary: I love Sasuke Lovers Anonymous. More than any other fic I've written. So, why the no updates? Well, for one, I wanted to finish "The Courting of Uzumaki Naruto" first, because I started it first. So I worked on that. Unfortunately, I also got stuck on it, but was determined to finish it first. The other fic that has eaten away my fan fiction writing time is known as "L'il Ninjas". No, its not on fan Mostly because its based off an RP and therefore, request only. But for the people that do read it…they know who I am and where I sleep. Aka, it takes a lot of the priority. But I'm typing now. Be happy? Please?

Chapter 2

_"This is vice president Yamanaka Ino, recording live for the second meeting of Sasuke Lovers Anonymous. Today's Mission: Get information out of that stupid head Naruto about Sasuke! He's looking like he won't talk now, but we'll find a way. After all, we have the power of love on our side! And all he has is the power of stupidity! Which isn't really a power. Its just Naruto being dumb! This is Yamanaka Ino. Stay tuned as the day unfolds and we discover the secrets of Uchiha Sasuke."_

"Come on Naruto. Don't be so pig-headed! Just tell us everything you know about Sasuke!" Sakura demanded as Tenten shoved the flashlight closer in his face for a more dramatic effect.

"Why should I?" Naruto shot back, struggling against the ropes. Pssh…Sasuke wasn't his _friend,_ just a guy. Just a regular old, stupid, arrogant stuck up loser…guy. An arrogant, stuck-up loser guy who Naruto happened to know and see on a daily basis.

"Look kid," Tenten said in her most 'tough guy' voice. Naruto was confused. Didn't he already see Tenten sometime today? "We may know that Sasuke wakes up every morning at 6:45 without the assistance of an alarm…"

"And he always looks sleepy and sits in bed for five minutes before getting up…" Sakura added, in a voice that implied that a sleepy Sasuke was the most sexy Sasuke.

"And the first thing he does is use the bathroom, then he washes his hand with soap that smells like mint and -"

"Wait," Naruto interrupted Ino, who liked positively offended someone would interrupt a story about the glory of Sasuke, "How do you know what his soap smells like?"

"Easy!" Ino added, "We went into his bathroom and sniffed it!" Naruto blinked, trying to figure out if she was lying or not. But she couldn't be lying…Sasuke's hands did smell lightly of mint. Naruto knew because when Sasuke punched him in the face or slammed his head into the ground, he could smell mint…As if mint were the smell one smelled when they were about to die.

"And after he washes his hands…" Tenten picked up the story, "he brushes his teeth! And his toothbrush is just the cutest little thing, navy blue with the little Uchiha fan on it…" Tenten sighed, dreamily.

"Of course, Sasuke replaces his toothbrush every 4 months, to ensure healthy teeth!" Sakura added. Naruto shook his head. They acted like he accomplished world peace or something. Naruto looked at Hinata, who quickly looked away.

"But we're not here to talk about oral hygiene!" Ino pointed out, "Tell us all you know about Sasuke!"

"Well…I doubt I know anything you don't…but um…Sasuke likes rice balls? Like, more than normal people should."

"Duh Naruto," Sakura sighed, "And he likes them plain. He can eat two normally, but sometimes eats three if he's been training or did a hard mission." The girls sighed at the thought of Sasuke eating his rice ball. Naruto rolled his eyes. Must be a girl thing.

"Um…maybe I'm wrong, but isn't that Sasuke now?" All the other girls quickly snapped their heads towards the Hyuuga heir as she mentioned the name of their beloved god Sasuke.

Tenten ran over to the window and glanced out. There really was no need…Hinata could see quite clearly that Sasuke was out there.

"SASUKE SIGHTING!" The girls exclaimed together…except Hinata who seemed quite confused at the whole thing. Sakura had the fastest reaction time and started running towards the door in attempt to be the first to reach Sasuke. Ino was the second to react, but she was the most destructive in her attempt to reach Sasuke, knocking the poor tied up Naruto over as she raced to keep even with Sakura. Tenten was the third to react, but thanks to all those laps Gai had made her run, she was the fastest and caught up to Sakura and Ino quickly.

Hinata blinked. She had noticed Sasuke first and probably would have reacted first, but she didn't realize it was custom to run up and maul the boy you liked. Hinata straightened Naruto upwards and then ran off to catch up with the other girls.

She arrived to see a defeated looking bunch of girls sitting there.

"What happened?" she asked in her barely-above-a-whisper voice.

"Sasuke got away…" Sakura sniffled. The girls trained and trained to be fast enough or clever enough to catch Sasuke, but the Uchiha prodigy always managed to stay one step ahead of them at all times.

Ino pulled out a small pink journal with an Uchiha fan crudely drawn on the front. Printed in huge flowery writing was the words "Sasuke Lovers Anonymous." Tenten took the notebook from her and pulled out a pen.

"_This is Tenten, secretary of Sasuke Lovers Anonymous, here to report some sad news. Our newest member Hyuuga Hinata was adapt at spotting the beautiful Uchiha Sasuke, however, it is with great regret that I write that we lost Sasuke in an attempt to pursue him."_

"We like to keep track of everything that goes on in the meetings." Sakura explained to Hinata who must have looked quite bewildered at the sight of it all.

"All our failures and successes are recorded in various 'Sasuke' journals. All kept in back in our meeting place." Ino added.

Hinata nodded, trying to look interested, but secretly thinking that there must be thousands of these 'Sasuke' journals lying around if the girls recorded everything that ever went on. They were probably all entries like "_This is Yamanaka Ino reporting that today the great and wonderful Sasuke stepped on my foot. It was heavenly."_ Hinata giggled a little at the thought and the other girls stared at her.

"I was um…just um…happy at the thought…of how…devoted you were to Sasuke…" Hinata lied. It felt bad to lie to her friends, and the dark haired girl vowed that she wouldn't make fun of them anymore, even if it was just in her head. After all, didn't she have many notebooks at home where she had printed "Mrs. Uzumaki Hinata" over and over again.

Ino nodded slowly, thinking over what Hinata said. Ino decided she liked Hinata, because she was right - Ino was very devoted to Sasuke. After all, that's why Sasuke had fallen in love with her. He just…hadn't realized he was madly in love with Ino yet. But any day now, Ino was sure he would come to that conclusion.

As Tenten snapped the journal shut, the girl's started back to their clubhouse to discuss Sasuke's hair, clothes, style, toes, feet, ankles, pants, eyes, eyebrows, perfect pearly white teeth, lips, smell, armbands, leg bands, shoes, fingers, fingernails, cuticles, cute little butt, forehead protector, mysterious aura, cool nature and most of all, how much they absolutely hated Naruto!

Ino reached for the door handle, surprised to find it locked. She blinked and looked back at the other girls, who seemed confused. They had not locked the door when they left - they were in too much of a hurry.

"It must be that idiot Naruto!" Sakura declared. She pressed her ear up against the door and tried to listen for Naruto inside.

"Or someone trying to kill Naruto," Ino added hopefully. She too, listened at the door.

"Yeah. Or something." Tenten added, joining the listening group. Hinata twiddled her fingers nervously and decided to listen as well.

"Eh? Naruto, is that you…?" Hinata frowned. That voice sounded familiar…Sakura, Ino, and Tenten swooned.

"Sasuke…" they sighed romantically.

_"This is president Haruno Sakura reporting from outside our clubhouse. Our sources tell us that Sasuke and Naruto are both trapped inside and have been for an hour. We have yet to make contact with them, but it would sound as if Naruto has been untied - though I don't know why Sasuke would do that. It sounds like they can't figure out where the key is to unlock the door."_

"This is Vice President Yamanaka Ino. Two hours have passed since Sasuke and Naruto were locked inside. It has been quiet for a while. We assume that Sasuke has heroically kicked that jerk Naruto's butt. Good for Sasuke. The group has decided this only makes us love him more."

"This is Secretary Tenten. Its now been four hours and we're working despretly to find a way to open the door before Sasuke starves to death. Of course, he could always eat Naruto…but we don't want Sasuke to resort to such barbaric methods."

"This is Treasurer Hyuuga Hinata. Well….you see…we just tried the door. It was unlocked. Inside we were greeted with a bunch of ropes on the ground and an open window in the back. Neither Sasuke or Naruto is in sight. I suppose this is it for today's meeting…"


	4. Chapter 3: Something in the Air

"Sasuke Lovers Anonymous"

By the Carpet Shampoo

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto nor any of its characters

Author's Commentary: So I was searching for SasuNaru or NaruSasu fics this morning and I found nothing that I hadn't already read or that looked interesting. It was quite perplexing. So I thought to myself, 'Hey! Why don't I update? This way, at least all the other SasuNaru fans don't have to suffer through what I did.' And with that in mind, here's Sasuke Lovers Anonymous.

Chapter 3: Something in the Air…

This is Yamanaka Ino, Vice President of Sasuke Lovers Anonymous, reporting for this meeting. Last Sasuke sighting was a bust, ruined as always by that stupid Naruto. We have discussed in full these events and have decided that Sasuke untied Naruto and helped him escape only because Sasuke was taking him elsewhere to heroically beat him up because he didn't want blood on the carpet. Oh Sasuke….so noble and so hygienic. Today we continue our search for Sasuke. Our sources tell us he was seen with Naruto, going off into the woods. No doubt to spar so Sasuke can show off his superior skills against Naruto by beating him into a bloody pulp. Sasuke Lovers Anonymous shall cover the play by play here.

The woods were an excellent grounds for training and sparring and have been used by many shinobi throughout time and are continued to use by all shinobi off every age and skill level to this day. The tall trees provided shade from the sun, which helped when the fights got particularly intense in the heat. Cool streams ran through to practice water-related jutsus or just to get a cool drink from. Trees and bushes provided excellent coverage for moving through the shadows to catch your opponent by surprise….or, if you happened to be a member of Sasuke Lovers Anonymous, they provided excellent coverage for spying on two boys who were sparring in the forest that day…

"Keep your voice down Tenten," Sakura hissed as she elbowed the older girl in the sides. Tenten 'hmphed' softly, she hadn't been able to resist letting out a little squeal when they had finally found Sasuke deep in the woods. But they couldn't spend too much time arguing amongst themselves - they might miss a few precious seconds of Sasuke watching time.

Hinata tried to keep her focus on Sasuke. She really did. But with her Hyuuga vision, it was hard not to notice the blond boy as well. Sure, Sasuke was cool and handsome. Even the Hyuuga heir had to admit that. But watching them fight, she noticed that Naruto fought with emotion, with passion….how could anyone watch Sasuke when Naruto was so close by, looking so determined in those beautiful sky blue eyes? At least she could turn her head to face Sasuke while focusing on Naruto. Thank goodness for Hyuuga vision!

Silence fell over the three girls as they sat and watched intensely. Sakura began to squirm uncomfortably. Ino was next, fidgeting and squirming. Tenten scooted back a little looking back and forth. Hinata just turned bright red.

"Are boys…supposed to fight that way?" Sakura whispered.

"Don't ask me…Shikamaru and Chouji never fight like that. Come to think of it, they never spar at all. Lazy bums."

"I don't think Neji and Lee would fight that way…"

"K-Kiba-kun and Shino would never…"

The four girls watched in disbelief at the site before them. Naruto had quite suddenly tackled Sasuke, pinning him to the ground. Sasuke, instead of pushing the other boy off, was smirking at the blond straddled over his hips. Naruto leaned in and whispered something to Sasuke, who promptly flipped the fox boy off him, and pinned him down. Hinata turned red and had to look away. Seeing Sasuke straddling Naruto…was this normal? Maybe Kiba and Shino acted this way when she wasn't around.

She tried to picture Kiba on top of Shino that way. Hm…that wasn't right. But it didn't seem right with Shino on top either.

"This is screaming for an intervention." Sakura declared. She looked at the three other girls.

"Ino-pig, you're the most obnoxious, go get Sasuke off Naruto before they start questioning their sexuality."

"Roger that." Ino stood up, looking determined. With a shrill war-cry of 'Sasuke-kun!' the blonde girl ran towards the two boys, gathering momentum, and lunging at Sasuke, knocking him right off Naruto.

Sasuke looked startled for a moment, seemingly unabled to comprehend why he was suddenly in close contact with a different blond haired, blue eyed person, but it only took a second for him to regain composure and shove Ino off him.

"Lay off Ino. We were in the middle of something."

"Oh?" said Ino, "And what exactly did I interrupt?"

"Sparring." Naruto piped up, sitting up. He gave Ino a large lopsided grin while he scratched his head to get twigs and leaves out.

"No one asked you ramen-breath," Ino shot back. Naruto opened his mouth to retort but Ino interrupted. "Besides…it didn't look like sparring from here. It looked like some good gossip to start a few rumors with. Unless of course, you go out with me, to prove you and Naruto aren't….involved."

Sasuke shrugged nonchalantly as he stood up. He walked over to Naruto and stuck out one hand, hoisting the fox boy to his feet. He glared at Ino, still holding Naruto's hand.

"Start your rumor then Ino. Maybe Naruto and I will even help it along." Sasuke dropped the other boy's hand and started off, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Uh-oh Ino, looks like he's pissed now. Hey, Sasuke, wait up!" Naruto jogged after the dark haired boy. Ino just sat there in the dirt in disbelief. What the heck had Sasuke meant by "helping her rumors along?" Surely, he wouldn't ruin his own reputation like that, would he?

Ino shook her head. Sasuke was just trying to mess with her. Oh she'd start her rumors. And then Sasuke would see she was serious. Then he'd HAVE to date her.

It was all just a matter of time…

This is the perpetually confused Hyuuga Hinata, here to report on the plan concocted by Yamanaka Ino. I don't think I quite understand her plan, but I will attempt to explain it the best I can. After the Encounter with Sasuke in the Woods, in which Ino had to intervene, our Vice-President approached us with a plan. We were to spread the rumor that Sasuke and Naruto were involved in a romantic sense. When Sasuke hears this, he will realize he has to prove his heterosexuality, and will in return, date one of us. I know its not my place to say…but somehow, I don't get a good feeling about this plan.

Author's Commentary: Yes, Yes, I know. It should have been updated months ago. I'm sorry. I really am. Please still love me.

Shameless Plug: I am currently part of two rp's. Both are Naruto yaoi AUs. Hikari tai Yami is in full swing, but some characters (even some main characters, like Kakashi and Tsunade) are still open. Its an advanced, elitest snob rp (just kidding!) but its fun. Stop by and check us out at This is a mild yaoi rp which has somehow come to include some crack hetero pairings. Please stop by and check us out and make sure to read the rules/contact me for rules.

If mild yaoi isn't your thing, we opened a brand new AU rp (in which I am Naruto), which will include much more blatent and hardcore yaoi. Once again, its open to more advanced rp-ers. This role play has not yet begun yet, but the basic story line is up and we're waiting for more characters to join. So far, Sasuke, Naruto, Itachi, Gaara and possibly Shikamaru and Iruka are taken. Please visit Hehe. And I designed the layout, so make sure to at least check that out!


	5. Chapter 4: The New Club

"Sasuke Lovers Anonymous"

Chapter 4: For something completely different

_This is Tenten here, reporting to say that the plan to spread rumors about the beloved Sasuke has now been in effect for three full days._ _In this time period, each girl was assigned to tell each of her own teammates about the "news" she had received. I reported to my own team of the rumors I had heard about Sasuke and his definite involvement with our social leper, Naruto. Neji, as usual, seemed like...he didn't care at all. He told me that ninjas shouldn't belittle themselves with gossip, then didn't say another word the rest of the day. I think that's his way of saying – _

_-This is Yamanaka Ino reporting to say that Tenten should hurry the hell up with her explanation!_

_All right, I'm going. Rock Lee and Gai both cried tears of…something that Naruto and Sasuke had given in to Youthful Powers of Love and found Happiness and Joy. That's all for my report._

_This is Yamanaka Ino, reporting again with a quick update on what happened when I reported this dastardly news to the world. Shikamaru snorted and asked how the hell I knew that and Chouji responded by continuing to eat his food. That is all._

_This is Hyuuga Hinata, reporting that Kiba-kun said that Naruto and Sasuke were "Weird," but that he also "Almost saw it coming." And Shino-san said nothing…I don't even know if he heard me._

Sakura read over the reports and shook her head. "Does no one but us even care that Konohagakure's most eligible and handsome bachelor, with a fan club that unites beautiful ninja (male and female alike) from every village in existence might possible be GAY?"

Ino shrugged, "Actually, the Male Chapter of SLA had quite a celebration over the rumor. And besides – he's too good looking to be gay. He OWES himself to the female race. To me, specifically."

Sakura shot Ino a dangerous look – words like that weren't supposed to be uttered at an SLA meeting. Sasuke belonged to all of them here.

Tenten saw the danger and interrupted, "Sakura's right though – Sasuke Lovers Anonymous unites more shinobi than even the chuunin exam. Almost every village has at least one member. Not to mention the outlaw ninjas that have joined."

"Well, aside from the outlaw ninja…whom the Hokage probably wouldn't like helping us out too much, we have an excellent army prepared," Ino said, getting excitied now, "I mean, if we ralied that whole army…"

"But why would we need to?" Hinata interjected softly, "I mean, we know Sasuke-kun's not…that way…"

"Yeah, its just Sasuke that doesn't know that!" piped up Tenten. All the girls turned and stared at her for a moment. "Um…I mean….its Sasuke watching time!"

"SASUKE WATCHING TIME!" squealed Ino and Sakura together. Their differences and serious talk forgotten, the girls raced out the door to find their object of misguided affection. Tenten and Hinata followed behind, though with less enthusiasm.

"Tenten, do you really think Sasuke is…"

"Gay? Yeah, I really do. I've been watching him for years…the kid irons his clothes, underwear included, everyday. He uses more product in his hair than I do and not too mention, with us girls chasing him left and right, I'm pretty sure we've traumatized him off the female race for good."

"Then…why are you still a member?"

"Oh easy! I want to be the first to know who little Sasuke gets his first big-boy crush on. I even started the betting pool on it. You want in?"

Hinata shook her head quickly, her face turning a bright red. She couldn't believe Tenten wasn't really obsessed with Sasuke afterall – she was just here to see him hook up with another guy!

_But you're just here for the Naruto watching…_whispered a voice in the back of her head.

"Now, I personally made a bet that Sasuke and Neji would get together, but now that he and Naruto have gotten so close…"

"Neji!" Hinata was startled out of her secluded thinking, "N-Neji-san would…he would never…."

"Oh my gosh, I forgot he was your cousin! I'm sorry Hinata!"

Hinata's head was really spinning now. She knew of older ninjas who were…like that, and she knew it was a perfectly acceptable way to live your life. She gave them the same polite nod she gave everyone else in the village. And if Sasuke-kun chose to be that way, well, its not like they were friends anyway. Their relationship wouldn't change at all. And if Naruto….well, that would be a disappointment, but Hinata knew she would still be friends with him.

But Hinata didn't know how she would react if Neji-san….

"Will you two hurry up!" Sakura called from up ahead, "We spotted him!"

Tenten and Hinata hurried up and caught up with the rest of the group. A group of guys, Sasuke included, had gathered in one of the training areas. Ino was closer, listening in, but where she stood, Hinata could not hear what they were saying. But Naruto was speaking, so she was keen to find out. She moved closer.

"This meeting of Girls Suck Anonymous, or, the GSA, will commence immediantly! We are here to welcome our newest member to the crew…Uchiha Sasuke!"

The crowd didn't applaud. They were too cool for that.

"Hey, Ino, are you getting any of this?" Sakura asked.

"Only a bit…I need to get closer. Its some sort of club, I gather…a GSA he said. And Sasuke is the newest member. Hey, what do you think GSA stands for?"

"Garden Stone Appreciators?" Sakura guessed.

"Girls Suck Anonymous?" was Hinata's guess.

"Gay-Straight Alliance." Tenten said confidently, "And look at the crew down there…its pretty obvious I'm right."

The girls turned to watch the scene below.

"Hey guys, come on! Give Sasuke a better welcome than that!" Naruto called to the group, throwing his arm around Sasuke.

("Oh my God, Tenten is right!" Sakura whispered loudly.)

The crowd was still too cool to applaud for anything Naruto said.

"All right then, roll call!" Naruto said, undaunted, "Aburame, SHINO!" He yelled dramatically.

Shino stared at him. Naruto could see he was sitting there, just fine.

"Aburame, SHINO!" he called again, still staring at Shino, waiting for him to say "here". Shino stared at him.

"Ok, Shino must be absent!" Naruto yelled, dramatically marking the roll sheet. "We'll move on…Akimichi, CHOUJI!"

"Here!" Chouji called, spraying the back of Neji's head with chips as he yelled. The older teen, digested, moved over one seat, wiping the back of his beloved hair.

"NARA, SHIKAMARU!"

"You can see me sitting here. You don't have to yell my name," Shikamaru pointed out.

"NARA, SHIKAMARU!"

"….Here."

("Oh great, both my teammates. Well, hopefully, Chouji's just here because he goes everywhere with Shikamaru," muttered Ino.)

"Hyuuga, NEJI!"

"Hn."

("Oh no…" said Hinata softly. "All right!" whispered Tenten, excitedly. She had a bet with Lee about Neji on this.)

"I'll take that as a here! Now…UCHIHA, SASUKE, who HATES WOMAN!"

"Here, dobe."

"ALL RIG – HEY!" Naruto glared at Sasuke for a moment, then turned back to what he was doing. "UZUMAKI NARUTO!" He paused for dramatic effect, "HERE!"

"NOW THE MEETING OF THE GSA CAN BEGIN!"

But unfortunelty for the girls, Naruto stopped speaking at this point and the others, minus Shino, began to talk. Without Naruto's loud shouting, (who was really the only one they could hear from that distance), the girls had no idea what was going on in that meeting, without moving dangerously close.

"We need a new plan," Ino hissed, "We need to get into those meetings!"

"Well, let's look at who didn't show up…" Sakura said logically.

"…Kiba and Rock Lee." Tenten said.

"Our choice in life partners has been narrowed down to Kiba and Lee?" Ino griped, "Oh man, I'd rather spend my life with Shikamaru, than settle for one of them!"

"Looks like Shikamaru not an option…" Sakura said, looking down at the group.

"We could ask a teacher to go," Ino said, a little unsure, "Iruka-sensei might fit in, he seems the type, no offense."

"We can't ask a teacher!" Sakura said, "It has to be one of us. Not me though…What boy has pink hair?"

"Not me either…Neji-san will recognize me," Hinata added logically.

"It ought to be Tenten," Ino said, "I have two teammates down there who could recognize me, and she only has one. Plus, its just Neji and he doesn't acknowledge your existence anyway."

"I don't mind," said Tenten honestly. It would give her a chance to speed along her betting pool.

"So its decided then!" Sakura said.

_This is Tenten, reporting our plans. I, in a clever disguise, will infiltrate their group and try and figure out from the inside out what's going on, and try and convince Sasuke not to be gay. This will be my toughest mission yet, but we're in a code red here and someone has to get us out of it! This is Tenten, from SLA, signing off._

Author's Note: Um…better late than never?


End file.
